The U.S. government has just passed a new law
called: “The Affordable Classic British Car Act,???
declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new
classic British car, by April 2015, C???mon now, you
know you want one. These “affordable” classic British
cars will cost, on average, $54,000-$155,000 each.
This does not include title, taxes, trailers, towing fees,
licensing and registration fees, fuel, storage fees,
!maintenance or repair costs.
This law has been passed, because until now,
typically, only wealthy and financially responsible
people, have been able to purchase classic British cars.
This new law ensures that every American can now
have an “affordable” classic British car of their own,
because everyone is ???entitled,” to a new classic British
car. If you purchase your classic British car before the
end of the year, you will receive 4
“free” aftermarket seat belts; not
i!ncluding monthly usage fees.
In order to make sure everyone
purchases an affordable classic
British car as soon as possible, the
costs of owning a classic British car
wi l l i n c r e a s e , o n a v e r a g e ,
250-400% per year. This way,
wealthy people will ultimately pay more, for
something that other people either don’t want or can’t
afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t
afford to maintain a classic British car, under the age
26, will be able to use their parent???s classic British
cars, to party on, until they turn 27; then they must
p!urchase their own, classic British car.
If you already own a classic British car, and you
like it, you can keep it, (just kidding; no, you can’t).
Your current classic British car will be taken from you
and you WILL be required to purchase a new classic
British car. If you don’t want or don’t need a classic
British car, you will be required to buy one anyway. If
you refuse to buy a classic British car or can not afford
one, you will be regularly fined $800 yearly, until you
either purchase a classic British car or face
imprisonment. In fact, it would be considered
irresponsible of you, not own your own classic
British car, when everyone else around you will
be contributing their fair share, by owning their
o!wn classic British car.
Failure to use your classic British car, will also,
result in fines. People living in apartments, of large
overcrowded cities, with no additional parking, will
not be exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience,
knowledge, and lack of desire are not acceptable
excuses for not owning, or using your classic
!British car.
A 15 member independent government advisory
review board, appointed by the President of the
United States, that doesn’t know the difference
between the bonnet or boot of a classic British car,
will decide everything, including; when, where,
how often, and for what purposes
you can use your classic British car.
Along with how many people can
ride in your classic British car, and
determine if one is too old or not
healthy enough to be able to use their
classic British car. They will also
decide if you must purchase specific
accessories, like a $500 classic
British oil can (oil not included), or if you have
simply outlived your classic British car owner
usefulness. National classic British car owner
Hospice programs will be set up, throughout the
country, to take in people deemed ???no longer??? fit,
t!o continue their classic British car ownership.
As usual, Government officials and their staff,
are exempt from this new Affordable Classic
British Car law. Unions, bankers, and mega
companies with large political affiliations are also
exempt. But, if they should so desire to own a
classic British car, they and their families can
obtain classic British cars free, at the expense of
tariff payers.

Felix Lee

– April Fools!

Gotcha again!

Really? Really??